FANTASY

He can't sing well

He goes off tune and a few pitches off

Yet when I hear him sing

I smile as if his concert is the only one I'll ever attend

I am still afraid 

And even though I think I am starting to like him more and more by the minute

May we both just wake up one day

And realise this is a fucking fantasy

Soon

x, xh

THE SECOND TIME

I am terrified, excited, vulnerable and happy

All at the same time

He planted his lips on mine

And told me I smelled good

It seems like we are on a fast ride

But he insists the feeling's there

I still smell him on my fingertips

I still remember looking at his side view

And the fear

Stems from me being unable to love myself wholeheartedly

How then, can someone love me

Without regretting halfway?

x, xh

SOAR II

Fast as the wind

Without much thought

She started with him

In desperation or hope?

From me, she sought consolation and approval

And there is nothing else I can do

But trust in her as a friend

And support her every step of the way

And the only thing I still wish at this point

Is that he sees the gem he is dating now

x, xh

SOAR

She's really special

I see the way she smiles when she sees her messages on her phone

If only the person behind the screen can see her smile

"He's really funny!"

But no. She likes you more than your wittiness. You symbolise hope to her.

She's new to this and I am cautious of teaching

After all, there are things you can't impart

But to the person behind the screen, realise the gem you are talking to

And most importantly

Don't break her heart

x, xh

SECOND BEST

Last year when my family and I went to Bali for a holiday, we decided to all buy paintings to hang in our rooms. I saw one that I really liked. It was a painting of sunflowers, and had a strangely theraputhic feel about it. And I told dad "Dad, I want this one!" Dad asked for the price and after much negotiation, they couldn't come to a deal. Dad said it's okay, we'll find another painting. So we walked down the street, scavenging though many shops finding another painting I would like. Then, I spotted another painting. It was also a painting of sunflowers. It wasn't the same as the one I liked, but it was no doubt, a painting of sunflowers. Dad asked for the price and it was cheaper than the first one. He asked me if I wanted this, and I remember thinking to myself. Well, if I can't have the first one, then I guess this will do. So I said okay.

Fast forward 2 months, the painting hangs above my table and as I am typing right now, I steal a few glances at the sunflowers. I can't remember how the first painting looked, but I feel different about the one hanging above my table. It doesn't look as pleasing, and I can't bring myself to say I love it. I think about the first painting a lot, and I imagined how things would have been if I had bought the first one instead.

And the same applies to a lot of things. I tend to accept second best. Because somehow, some things I like doesn't belong to me. And I find alternatives to satisfy what I want. I don't think there is a wrong or right to this. But I feel that I should not just accept second best because I am missing out on the best.

Humans alike.

Just because the one I am truly interested in doesn't like me back. And even if there are tons of guys around. Many bringing me out for dates, and send me good morning texts. I feel compelled to accept a second best. And blinded by many things, I am afraid one day, I really do accept a second best.

How easy would things be if we can come to terms with ourselves and throw away the options that don't belong. And let others have the chance to rise and be my "best". I think about you a lot. It used to be sadness. But my best friend told me, that she believes in our lives, there will be many people who will come and teach us lessons. After they are done teaching, they leave.

And maybe, the lesson you taught me, I have learned, and therefore, you leave.

x, xh